The Ultimate Guide to Owning Your Life (Part Three): Know what you want and go get it.

Alright, if you’re just joining me in The Ultimate Guide to Owning Your Life series, we’ve been talking about steps to taking control of your own life, no matter your situation. Whether you’re a nine-to-five worker, you create your own work, or you’re unemployed, my goal in sharing this

In part one, I shared how to take ownership of your life by putting yourself in the driver’s seat and driving. In part two, I talked about the little voice in the back of your head and how you can silence it by keeping your cool and focusing on your goals.

This week, we’re going to take a step back and talk about goals. Specifically, I’m going to share with you the importance of defining exactly what you want to get out of life, and exactly what you have to share with the world. Don’t worry–you don’t need to have all of the answers.

Let me explain.

What do you want to get out of life?

When I talk about defining what you want to get out of life, I’m not asking “What do you want to be when you grow up?” ”I want to be a doctor” and “I want to be a fireman” are total cop-out answers for two reasons:

It’s too easy. Instead of thinking for yourself, you’re buying into a predefined life plan and going with the flow. Does that really sound like something that someone who owned his life would do?
It’s too specific. You might actually decide that you really do want to be a doctor or a fireman, but for the purposes of this discussion, I want to to reach that decision because you’ve weighed all of the factors that we’re going to talk about in this section.

So from here out, “What do you want to get out of life” refers to the collective body of material goods, freedom, and experience that go into your picture perfect lifestyle. We’re going think totally independently of “the box” to create a limitless, no holds barred image of how your life looks, and then think backward from there.

Hopefully, you took the time last week to complete The Lifestyle Design worksheet that I put together for you. If you haven’t, click here and go do that now; the answers that you give in that worksheet will kick-start your thinking about all of the cool things that you can accomplish with your life. Do that now. I’ll wait.

Done? Good. Let’s get down to business.

1.) Be selfish.

The first step in defining what you want to get out of life is to be selfish.

In a post that I wrote of months ago, I said that the best way to give to others is to take care of yourself first. If you are discontent, you cannot give freely to others. If you don’t have enough cash to take care of yourself, you can’t . If you’re unhappy, you cannot make others happy.

“Nowadays, men abandon economy, but try to be generous… This is certain death.” - Lao Tzu

We’re going to be totally selfless in just a few minutes, but for the time being, I want you to think of no one but yourself (and your family, if you have one). When I ask you what you want to get out of life, be honest. If you want to travel around the world, do it. If you want to drive a Lamborghini, go for it.

It’s okay. You’re allowed–nay, you’re expected–to be happy and to have money.

2.) Be bold.

Seriously, people. No holds barred here. Two of the things on my ideal lifestyle list are skydiving in New Zealand, and seeing the earth from space.

You’re a citizen of the world, so feel free to explore it. Eat sushi in Tokyo, break a fresh baguette in Nice, wander the rice paddies of Vietnam.

If you’re not interested in travelling, enrich your life in other ways. I study–and I’m beginning to help teach–martial arts. Remember, this is your life, and you can do anything that you want with it. Be bold in what you want to experience, what you want to learn, what you want to have, what you want to do.

3.) Be reasonable.

If I’ve sufficiently tested your self-control and you’ve let your imagination go wild in the last two sections, it’s time for me to bring you back down to earth.

There’s a difference between taking care of yourself and being greedy. You probably aren’t going to be any happier in a $5 million mansion than you would be in a $250,000 house. You might like to drive a Jaguar, but unless you want to collect them or invest in them, you don’t need a warehouse full of them.

The key here is to come up with what you need to be content. Yeah, I’m aware that all you need to survive is a roof over your head, food in your belly, and clothes on your back–and for some people, that is enough–but it’s okay to want more. There is plenty to go around.

Now it’s your turn. Pull it all together and create your ideal lifestyle.

The worksheet that I shared with you will give you a good start, but it won’t do any good until you can clearly envision the life that you want to lead. So before you move on, I’d like you to take a few minutes and imagine yourself living your ideal lifestyle.

You may not have exercised that creative muscle between your ears in a while, so warm up a bit. Sit back in your chair, close your eyes, go take a nap… Do whatever you need to do to let yourself daydream for a while.

What do you have to share with the world?

To recap from the last section, the whole reason that we need to take care of ourselves is so that we can be content enough to give back to the world. It’s an ebb and flow relationship. In order to give, you must receive, and in order to receive, you must give. Everything is in constant flow–money, happiness, freedom. Those who have the most are those who give the most, so now it’s time to chat about what you plan to give back in order to have the lifestyle that you deserve.

I want to lead off with a quick quote.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” – Mohandas Gandhi

It’s a common saying, but take a second to reflect on that. ”Be the change…”

Here’s what I take away from the idea of being the change that you want to see in the world… If there’s something that isn’t right about the way the world is working, it’s your job to help make it so. Naturally, one person will not change the world. But each individual has the ability to inspire others, who inspire others, who inspire others.

Lao Tzu says it this way:

Cultivate Virtue in your self, and Virtue will be real.

Cultivate it in the family, and Virtue will abound.

Cultivate it in the village, and Virtue will grow.

Cultivate it in the nation, and Virtue will be abundant.

Cultivate it in the universe, and Virtue will be everywhere.

Again, the takeaway is that making the world a better place starts with a personal decision to do so. It starts with changing yourself, and then changing others.

And so, as we go through this conversation of what you can give back to the world. think deeply about what you can start changing about yourself to make the world a better place.

What would you change about the world?

More specifically, what would you add, remove, or change in order to cultivate virtue in those around you?

Let me share how I fell into the work that I’m doing today with The Lifestyle MBA and The Tao of Rob.

A year and a half ago, I positioned myself as a “social media consultant” for small business owners. I ran a marketing consultancy for big brands when I was in college, and I’m a Facebook nerd at heart, so I was doing what I knew.

The more I worked that opportunity, though, the more I realized that I was in the line of work for the wrong reasons. I was all about helping business owners find more customers. I didn’t really care about social good. I just wanted more cash for myself, and it was totally unfulfilling. And so, over time, I learned that what I really wanted to do was to inspire others to live more remarkable lives and contribute to the world in a meaningful way, and to help others do the same.

And that’s what I want to change about the world. I believe that if more people begin leading remarkable lives, then those around them will wake up from their “walking sleep,” too, and start to do the same. I want to start an epidemic of awesomeness, not just an avalanche of awesomeness, and I want you to be the first to catch the bug.

Challenging the status quo is guerrilla warfare–you have to go in under the radar.

Trying to change the world is a lot like the Star Wars saga… You’ve got a big, bad evil Empire that is going to do everything in its power to keep things they wan things are, and the only hope for the galaxy is a small, under-equipped rebel faction. Needless to say, the odds are stacked against them.

The odds are stacked against you, too. Where I come from, though, “luck” has nothing to do with anything.

If you’re serious about making a difference in the world, your job is not to stand on a soapbox and start shouting like a lunatic. It’s to find a few people who believe what you believe, and serve them to the best of your ability. By turning a few casual followers into loyal fans, you start a movement that grows larger than yourself. And when a movement begins, it grows.

Slowly, more and more people align with your cause. You can build business based on the movement, but the business must never be the sole goal of the movement. Instead, your business must be aligned such that it enables the movement to grow beyond your control. Ownership transfers to the hands of those who believe in your message, and they carry out the mission on their own terms.

Suddenly, the movement bursts into the mainstream like a supernova. That’s how Martin Luther King, Jr. gathered 200,000 people on the Washington Mall. It’s how the Berlin wall was destroyed. The greatest victories for mankind were built on movements.

I didn’t start the “take ownership of your life” movement. Chris Guillebeau was one of many who inspired me to get off my ass and change the world. I’m just perpetuating the idea. I’m building followers who will become leaders of their own tribes. I’m nurturing a small rebel faction to take on the Empire.

Now, to Endor!

Balancing giving with revenue.

The last point that I want to make about giving back to the world is balance. There’s such thing as too much giving (you have to take care of yourself, remember).

This is where business sense comes in. They say fools rush in, and it’s pretty much reality. Even the most benevolent fools are still fools, and they typically run into issues when they’re trying to achieve their goals.

Therefore, everyone–myself included–must commit themselves to learning the fundamental skills for accomplishing your goal. So if you want to build a business out of helping other people, you must have at least a functional understanding of product development, marketing, sales, and customer service or you’ll never succeed. The same skills are required if you want to build a successful nonprofit. And if you want to lead a social revolution, you need the leadership skills to make it happen.

Therefore, not seeking personal or professional development isn’t just holding you back from achieving your goals, it’s hindering your business, your customers, and your cause.

What do you want? What will you give in order to earn it?

We’re running through this process right now in The Lifestyle MBA. If you’re really serious about building a business that gives you the freedom to own your life, jump on the waiting list–I’ll be opening the program again just after the new year. Click here to join the wait list.

In the meantime, what are your personal goals? Describe your ideal lifestyle–I’m fascinated by the way people describe how they would lead their ideal lives. What do you have to offer the world? Leave a comment below if you’re brave enough to share!

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